Friday, 11 July 2008
Where trust has gone
I found this article in the Mumbai Edition of the HT Cafe recently. Click on the image to get a better view.
When the next generation is at stake (Part- II)
Just because it’s a secret, the horrific reality of sexual abuse in India does not stop being true. SONAM JAIN in Hyderabad
When 13-year-old Natasha tried telling her parents that she was being *inappropriately touched and fondled’ by her uncle, they did not believe her. Gradually, she started getting aggressive and developed an aversion towards people in general and boys in particular. She became so difficult that she had to drop school for some time.
In yet another incident six-year-old Preity was sexually abused by her tuition teacher. Being too young to realise what was happening, she did not inform anyone. After repeated assaults, she lost interest in tuitions and then studies. Finally, she dropped school altogether. A brilliant girl’s academic career comes to an end.
These are not one-off cases. It’s just one of the cases we know of. Most incidents are locked up like skeletons in the cupboards. Just because it’s secret, the horrific reality of sexual abuse does not stop being true. Did you know that, in India, a child below 16 years is raped every 155th minute, a child below 10 every 13th hour, and one in every 10 children is sexually abused? Did you know that India has the dubious distinction of having the world’s largest number of sexually abused children? The situation is made worse by the absence of effective legislation and the silence that surrounds the problem.
Sexual abuse can take several forms — from verbal, visual, tactile, exhibitionist and pornographic offences and fondling to anything that stimulates a person sexually. The victims could be a boy or girl in any age group. Majority of sexual offenders are family members or are known to the child. “Stranger danger”, by comparison, is very rare.
Often, sexually abused children feel ashamed and may go into a shell. And if someone does muster the courage, they have ‘post abuse’ in store when no one wants to believe them. The blame may even come bouncing right back at them for ‘wearing such provocative clothes’.
Parents and mentors can definitely play a major role in preventing and dealing with abused children. Dr. P. Jyothiraja (psychologist and education consultant) says, “Talk to children about sexual abuse, listen to them, believe them, and recognise symptoms such as physical complaints and behavioural changes. Silence does not mean that all is well.”
Remember that a victim of abuse needs a lot of moral and emotional support. There should never be any justification of abuse by saying that he/she must have done something to provoke it. Isidor Philips, director, Divya Disha, feels that a whole lot of confusing messages are sent to people as children. “Children are often told to give relatives hugs and kisses. This is not always good. Let them express affection on their own terms. The *silence about sex’ culture forbids parents from talking to their children about sexuality. Hence, children and youth are confused about their own sexuality and have no idea about right or wrong touch. When they get a confusing signal, they have no source of support.” Sex education in schools is also productive.
In the meantime, with sexual abuse attracting public debate, the government needs to adopt strong measures. A larger response system needs to be created. For a country with nearly 50 per cent of its populace comprising children and youth, such measures are overdue.
In yet another incident six-year-old Preity was sexually abused by her tuition teacher. Being too young to realise what was happening, she did not inform anyone. After repeated assaults, she lost interest in tuitions and then studies. Finally, she dropped school altogether. A brilliant girl’s academic career comes to an end.
These are not one-off cases. It’s just one of the cases we know of. Most incidents are locked up like skeletons in the cupboards. Just because it’s secret, the horrific reality of sexual abuse does not stop being true. Did you know that, in India, a child below 16 years is raped every 155th minute, a child below 10 every 13th hour, and one in every 10 children is sexually abused? Did you know that India has the dubious distinction of having the world’s largest number of sexually abused children? The situation is made worse by the absence of effective legislation and the silence that surrounds the problem.
Sexual abuse can take several forms — from verbal, visual, tactile, exhibitionist and pornographic offences and fondling to anything that stimulates a person sexually. The victims could be a boy or girl in any age group. Majority of sexual offenders are family members or are known to the child. “Stranger danger”, by comparison, is very rare.
Often, sexually abused children feel ashamed and may go into a shell. And if someone does muster the courage, they have ‘post abuse’ in store when no one wants to believe them. The blame may even come bouncing right back at them for ‘wearing such provocative clothes’.
Parents and mentors can definitely play a major role in preventing and dealing with abused children. Dr. P. Jyothiraja (psychologist and education consultant) says, “Talk to children about sexual abuse, listen to them, believe them, and recognise symptoms such as physical complaints and behavioural changes. Silence does not mean that all is well.”
Remember that a victim of abuse needs a lot of moral and emotional support. There should never be any justification of abuse by saying that he/she must have done something to provoke it. Isidor Philips, director, Divya Disha, feels that a whole lot of confusing messages are sent to people as children. “Children are often told to give relatives hugs and kisses. This is not always good. Let them express affection on their own terms. The *silence about sex’ culture forbids parents from talking to their children about sexuality. Hence, children and youth are confused about their own sexuality and have no idea about right or wrong touch. When they get a confusing signal, they have no source of support.” Sex education in schools is also productive.
In the meantime, with sexual abuse attracting public debate, the government needs to adopt strong measures. A larger response system needs to be created. For a country with nearly 50 per cent of its populace comprising children and youth, such measures are overdue.
Please click on the post title to see the actual article.
When the next generation is at stake
Just because it’s a secret, the horrific reality of sexual abuse in India does not stop being true. CASSANDRA SUNDARAJA and RACHEL ANUSHA J. in Chennai
Eighteen-year-old Smithi* was being sexually abused by her cousin Shyam*. When she summoned up the courage to confide in her mother, little did she expect this reply, “As long as you don’t get pregnant, don’t make it a big issue.”
In the light of such incidents, it is not surprising that sexual abuse of children and the youth is the biggest kept secret in India. A recent study by an organisation called Stop It Now (www.stopitnow.org) revealed that only 12 per cent of the victims (both boys and girls) disclose being abused. Another study by Tulir - Centre for the Prevention and Healing of Child Sexual Abuse (www.tulir.org) notes that over 50 per cent of them were not helped, but instead disbelieved, blamed or told to keep it a secret.
So what is sexual abuse? The involvement of a child/teen in sexual behaviour by an older or more ‘powerful’ person, manipulating, persuading or forcing an individual to engage in any type of sexual act is called sexual abuse, in which both girls and boys are equally vulnerable. It also includes non-contact acts such as exposing one’s private body parts.
First, let us look at the legal aspects. In our country, sexual intercourse with a girl below the age of 16, with or without her consent, is considered rape. But, if a married girl above 15 years is forced to have intercourse with her husband, it is NOT considered rape. Contradicting all this are child marriage laws that prohibit marriage below the age of 18! Now does this make any sense?
Next is who is a child? In some cultures, anyone below 18 years is a child. Others believe that childhood ends at the age of 12. Let us assume that a child is below 12 years and a teenager or young adult falls between 13 and 18 years.
According to a National Study of Child Abuse by the Ministry for Women and Child Development, Government of India, 53.22 per cent of the population has faced sexual violence in some form or the other. Vidya Reddy, the founder of Tulir, stressed the importance of the ‘power dynamic’ involved in abuse. The abuser need NOT be an older person, but a more ‘powerful’ and authoritative one.
We need to clarify here that sexual harassment is NOT synonymous with sexual abuse. Sexual abuse, says Ms. Reddy, occurs in the context of a relationship in which trust, responsibility and authority play a major role. Around 95 per cent of the abusers are well known to the victim; in most cases it is a family member or a close family friend. The abuser can also be a servant, a driver, a baby sitter, a neighbour, an older child looking after a younger child. Authoritative abusers are usually teachers, coaches. In some cases all three factors are present.
Thirteen-year-old Jaya* was finding it difficult to cope with her swimming classes. Her coach offered to teach her “special exercises” and told her not to tell anyone because then he would not be able to give her undivided attention. Jaya, thrilled that her coach was showing special interest, readily agreed. The coach, taking advantage of the churning waters, sexually abused her (finger penetration) in the pool.
This incident also introduces the concept of grooming, a systematic and methodical process by which an abuser gains his or her victims’ trust, thereby reducing the probability of the abuse being reported. In some cases, the abuser gains the trust of the victim’s parents as well, making it even more difficult for the victim to complain.
Society’s ignorance and response to sexual violence against children and teenagers, which is considered “taboo”, discourages the victims from disclosing their abusive history. Emotional involvement is another reason why the victim might not complain or break the relationship. For example, a child who has witnessed domestic violence might grow up with the wrong notion that it is the norm to continue with the relationship despite the violence. Added to this, the media sometimes reinforces or exaggerates these real life incidents.
Sexual abuse may occur during childhood, but the effects can continue into adulthood. Peter* is 36 years, but finds it difficult to make important decisions and becomes an emotional wreck in a situation of crisis. The reason? His geography teacher inappropriately fondled him (masturbated him through his shorts) during class from his sixth standard till his 10th standard. The teacher used to ensure that Peter was always sitting alone in the last bench, thereby placing him in a helpless situation. The trauma of this incident continues to affect his everyday life.
Meera* detests the smell of mangoes, because she associates it with the memories of being raped by her grandfather, who used to smell of mangoes.
Most parents react at first with disbelief and denial. (“How could you say such a thing about Ramu Uncle?”). Some blame themselves (“Where did we go wrong?” or “How could this happen to our child?”). Still others turn a blind eye to such incidents. Most prefer to hush up the issue with an eye to the “future of the child” (and their social status). However, parents should start thinking of the here and now. The shame and guilt of hiding such incidents will eventually haunt the victim.
RAHI (Recovery and Healing from Incest; www.rahifoundation.org), an organisation in Delhi, arranges Peer Education programmes to equip college-going women with knowledge, understanding, skills, attitudes and beliefs in the area of incest and sexual violence. This is done with the view that teens are more likely to confide in their friends rather than in their parents or teachers. Major aspects include assuring the victims that they are believed; if the abuse continues, discreet steps will be taken to stop it; it is not their fault.
According to Ms. Reddy, a majority of the victims go through life believing they were the reason for the abuse. Also children who have been abused are more vulnerable to future abuse. Most victims think they are the only ones being abused and finding that others have faced similar trauma lightens their burden (visit http://askios.tripod.com). Those unwilling to share their experiences can try self-help workbooks (contact Tulir at 26192026, 26190771).
What can we do? It is essential to voice your views as this is an important step towards stopping abuse and also contributes towards the healing process. An effective support and response structure in terms of family, friends, professional services, law and the society as a whole is essential so that the victims have a chance to address their problems. Most abusers do not stop only with one victim.
If you know or hear of a child/teen being sexually abused, do whatever it takes to ensure the child’s/teen’s safety and inform the parents about the child’s vulnerability. Just think, “What if it was ME or MY child?” Remember, every individual counts!
* Names changed to protect the privacy of the individual
Why they don’t complain
Fear of not being believed
Fear of being blamed
Fear of further harm
Fear of shame and guilt
Fear of losing love
Fear of remembering the incident
Boys as victims
This issue is not taken seriously. In one survey, out of 847 boys, 405 reported sexual abuse. Of that, 179 reported severe sexual abuse (sexual intercourse, oral sex, photographing them in the nude, asking them to touch the abuser’s private parts). Most boys will not report abuse due to the shame involved.
Role of adults
Parents should teach their children the age-appropriate names of all body parts (no more referring to any body part as shame, shame!). Only then will the child be able to report unsafe touches.
Children should be taught the difference between a safe and an unsafe touch.They should be taught that their body belongs to them and they have a right to say NO.
Create a non-judgmental atmosphere at home so that children will feel free to report untoward incidents.
Chapters on reproduction in biology books should be amply descriptive and teachers should explain the concept of sexual intercourse (no skipping pages 92-97!). This will prevent curious teens from getting information from inappropriate sources.
Start peer education programmes schools and colleges. Remember, more than half of the victims just need someone to talk to.
RAHI’s PEP
RAHI’s Peer Education Program (PEP) is a unique student peer intervention strategy that works with young women on Delhi’s college campuses for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse. Students are selected from different colleges in Delhi and are trained as Peer Educators (PEs) over four days. Students learn the art of listening to a friend talking about his or her sexual abuse experiences, how to manage group discussions, make presentations and function as a team. The training is rounded off with some practical goal setting and a concrete plan of action. PEs design and lead educational activities for their peers. They organise debates, poster competitions, theatre events, workshops, book readings, and stalls during college fests. PEP was launched in October 2004. and has trained 86 students from 12 colleges who have reached over 12,000 students.
In the light of such incidents, it is not surprising that sexual abuse of children and the youth is the biggest kept secret in India. A recent study by an organisation called Stop It Now (www.stopitnow.org) revealed that only 12 per cent of the victims (both boys and girls) disclose being abused. Another study by Tulir - Centre for the Prevention and Healing of Child Sexual Abuse (www.tulir.org) notes that over 50 per cent of them were not helped, but instead disbelieved, blamed or told to keep it a secret.
So what is sexual abuse? The involvement of a child/teen in sexual behaviour by an older or more ‘powerful’ person, manipulating, persuading or forcing an individual to engage in any type of sexual act is called sexual abuse, in which both girls and boys are equally vulnerable. It also includes non-contact acts such as exposing one’s private body parts.
First, let us look at the legal aspects. In our country, sexual intercourse with a girl below the age of 16, with or without her consent, is considered rape. But, if a married girl above 15 years is forced to have intercourse with her husband, it is NOT considered rape. Contradicting all this are child marriage laws that prohibit marriage below the age of 18! Now does this make any sense?
Next is who is a child? In some cultures, anyone below 18 years is a child. Others believe that childhood ends at the age of 12. Let us assume that a child is below 12 years and a teenager or young adult falls between 13 and 18 years.
According to a National Study of Child Abuse by the Ministry for Women and Child Development, Government of India, 53.22 per cent of the population has faced sexual violence in some form or the other. Vidya Reddy, the founder of Tulir, stressed the importance of the ‘power dynamic’ involved in abuse. The abuser need NOT be an older person, but a more ‘powerful’ and authoritative one.
We need to clarify here that sexual harassment is NOT synonymous with sexual abuse. Sexual abuse, says Ms. Reddy, occurs in the context of a relationship in which trust, responsibility and authority play a major role. Around 95 per cent of the abusers are well known to the victim; in most cases it is a family member or a close family friend. The abuser can also be a servant, a driver, a baby sitter, a neighbour, an older child looking after a younger child. Authoritative abusers are usually teachers, coaches. In some cases all three factors are present.
Thirteen-year-old Jaya* was finding it difficult to cope with her swimming classes. Her coach offered to teach her “special exercises” and told her not to tell anyone because then he would not be able to give her undivided attention. Jaya, thrilled that her coach was showing special interest, readily agreed. The coach, taking advantage of the churning waters, sexually abused her (finger penetration) in the pool.
This incident also introduces the concept of grooming, a systematic and methodical process by which an abuser gains his or her victims’ trust, thereby reducing the probability of the abuse being reported. In some cases, the abuser gains the trust of the victim’s parents as well, making it even more difficult for the victim to complain.
Society’s ignorance and response to sexual violence against children and teenagers, which is considered “taboo”, discourages the victims from disclosing their abusive history. Emotional involvement is another reason why the victim might not complain or break the relationship. For example, a child who has witnessed domestic violence might grow up with the wrong notion that it is the norm to continue with the relationship despite the violence. Added to this, the media sometimes reinforces or exaggerates these real life incidents.
Sexual abuse may occur during childhood, but the effects can continue into adulthood. Peter* is 36 years, but finds it difficult to make important decisions and becomes an emotional wreck in a situation of crisis. The reason? His geography teacher inappropriately fondled him (masturbated him through his shorts) during class from his sixth standard till his 10th standard. The teacher used to ensure that Peter was always sitting alone in the last bench, thereby placing him in a helpless situation. The trauma of this incident continues to affect his everyday life.
Meera* detests the smell of mangoes, because she associates it with the memories of being raped by her grandfather, who used to smell of mangoes.
Most parents react at first with disbelief and denial. (“How could you say such a thing about Ramu Uncle?”). Some blame themselves (“Where did we go wrong?” or “How could this happen to our child?”). Still others turn a blind eye to such incidents. Most prefer to hush up the issue with an eye to the “future of the child” (and their social status). However, parents should start thinking of the here and now. The shame and guilt of hiding such incidents will eventually haunt the victim.
RAHI (Recovery and Healing from Incest; www.rahifoundation.org), an organisation in Delhi, arranges Peer Education programmes to equip college-going women with knowledge, understanding, skills, attitudes and beliefs in the area of incest and sexual violence. This is done with the view that teens are more likely to confide in their friends rather than in their parents or teachers. Major aspects include assuring the victims that they are believed; if the abuse continues, discreet steps will be taken to stop it; it is not their fault.
According to Ms. Reddy, a majority of the victims go through life believing they were the reason for the abuse. Also children who have been abused are more vulnerable to future abuse. Most victims think they are the only ones being abused and finding that others have faced similar trauma lightens their burden (visit http://askios.tripod.com). Those unwilling to share their experiences can try self-help workbooks (contact Tulir at 26192026, 26190771).
What can we do? It is essential to voice your views as this is an important step towards stopping abuse and also contributes towards the healing process. An effective support and response structure in terms of family, friends, professional services, law and the society as a whole is essential so that the victims have a chance to address their problems. Most abusers do not stop only with one victim.
If you know or hear of a child/teen being sexually abused, do whatever it takes to ensure the child’s/teen’s safety and inform the parents about the child’s vulnerability. Just think, “What if it was ME or MY child?” Remember, every individual counts!
* Names changed to protect the privacy of the individual
Why they don’t complain
Fear of not being believed
Fear of being blamed
Fear of further harm
Fear of shame and guilt
Fear of losing love
Fear of remembering the incident
Boys as victims
This issue is not taken seriously. In one survey, out of 847 boys, 405 reported sexual abuse. Of that, 179 reported severe sexual abuse (sexual intercourse, oral sex, photographing them in the nude, asking them to touch the abuser’s private parts). Most boys will not report abuse due to the shame involved.
Role of adults
Parents should teach their children the age-appropriate names of all body parts (no more referring to any body part as shame, shame!). Only then will the child be able to report unsafe touches.
Children should be taught the difference between a safe and an unsafe touch.They should be taught that their body belongs to them and they have a right to say NO.
Create a non-judgmental atmosphere at home so that children will feel free to report untoward incidents.
Chapters on reproduction in biology books should be amply descriptive and teachers should explain the concept of sexual intercourse (no skipping pages 92-97!). This will prevent curious teens from getting information from inappropriate sources.
Start peer education programmes schools and colleges. Remember, more than half of the victims just need someone to talk to.
RAHI’s PEP
RAHI’s Peer Education Program (PEP) is a unique student peer intervention strategy that works with young women on Delhi’s college campuses for the prevention and healing of child sexual abuse. Students are selected from different colleges in Delhi and are trained as Peer Educators (PEs) over four days. Students learn the art of listening to a friend talking about his or her sexual abuse experiences, how to manage group discussions, make presentations and function as a team. The training is rounded off with some practical goal setting and a concrete plan of action. PEs design and lead educational activities for their peers. They organise debates, poster competitions, theatre events, workshops, book readings, and stalls during college fests. PEP was launched in October 2004. and has trained 86 students from 12 colleges who have reached over 12,000 students.
Cassandra and Rachel are IInd year students of B.Sc Psychology, Women’s Christian College, Chennai
Spreading Awareness
There seems to be growing awareness of CSA lately. I came across an entire (Well,almost!) supplement devoted to Child Sexual Abuse in the Chennai Edition of The Hindu. Clicking on the post title will take you to the e-paper.“Sexual abuse can occur to anyone irrespective of age, caste, socio-economic status…,” cautions Nandi Shah of Ashraya, an organisation that works to spread awareness about sexual abuse among children.
It organises workshops in schools and colleges where “the students first react with giggles which, I presume, is because they are embarrassed about the topic. But once they settle in, they can be really open and discuss the issue,” she recounts. At the end of the workshop, the students are encouraged to interact and ask questions and different modules are made use of for different age groups.
Ashraya has also organised a photo exhibition based on the subject of sexual abuse and will showcase them at different educational institutions. A film addressing the issue also features in Ashraya’s to-do list.
Speaking on sexual abuse, Nandi observes, “The abuser can be a person known and trusted by the victim. Usually when the abuser is a person within the family, the abuse is hidden due to social taboos or just never surfaces. One can look out for the victim’s physical warning signs like being withdrawn, depressed and not trusting adults. In an incident of child sexual abuse, addressing the child and the immediate family is what I feel is of utmost importance.”
How is effective is the legislation? “I personally feel that laws in the state are not favourable to the issue of child sexual abuse,” says Nandi.For more details, call Ashraya at 9382832875.MADHUMITHA SRINIVASAN
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Petition for law against Child Sexual Abuse
Hey People,
Read the petition and sign if you agree. This would take just a couple of minutes.
http://www.petitiononline.com/4541107/
Fight on!
Amrita.
Read the petition and sign if you agree. This would take just a couple of minutes.
http://www.petitiononline.com/4541107/
Fight on!
Amrita.
Healing abused innocence
REACHING OUT Elaan, an NGO, is extending its hand to those whose childhood was marred by abuse just like its founder’s was. PAROMITA PAIN
CSA or child sex abuse is society’s darkest open secret. We know it happens and yet we shy away from it. Have you ever wondered what you would have done if it happened to you? Let’s hope its something like what Pranaadhika (22) in Kolkata did. She wowed that what she had to deal with should never be another young person’s lot and established Elaan, an NGO, to help victims of CSA. “I identify myself as a survivor of multiple child abuse, some of which is not necessarily sexual. Sometimes it takes a non-sexualised phase of abuse and neglect to erode your defence mechanisms and self-esteem. You perceive the actual sexual violation as punishment for being what you are: a worthless human being who didn’t finish her vegetables,” says Pranaadhika.
Born out of a nightmare
Elaan isn’t just testimony to this young woman’s courage. Itis a story of how the effects of abuse can be dealt with. overcome and instigate one to gain enough nerves to fight against sexual predators. “I knew it was strange the minute the abuse began. At age eight (when it first occurred), I felt strange hands on my body and instinct screamed danger. I knew that my trust, soul and, lastly, my body were being violated. It was difficult to deal with the reactions of people who I thought would support me. Many laughed and the so-called professionals were horrible. At some point my abuser appeared nicer than them, which was frightening,” she says.
Reflecting a journey of understanding and healing, Elaan is also the result of insight gained during her personal journey through the country’s legal system. “There are no laws which make CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) a crime punishable under the IPC. Research and conversations with close friends showed that they had been through some sort of abuse or knew of someone who had been abused. I was not responsible for what had happened. While most of the world has laws and support structures for survivors, India condones sexual abuse and incest,” she says.
Elaan was registered after three years of testing projects, re-assessing the need for CSA awareness and trying to heal personal scars. She isn’t alone in her quest and Elaan consists of two boards — voting and non-voting. Pujarini, Vijay, Rohit, Mirna, Ajoy Sinha, Bimbabati and many others form the team of crusaders. Kirtika Sinha, her mother, is the much-required ‘experienced elder’. Watching her counsel young people today, it’s hard to believe the things she has been through — “I cut myself routinely to appear as unattractive as possible. I developed bipolar disorder and tackled extreme phases of feeling unusually happy, and then plummeting into an emotional void. Relationships built painstakingly would crash, as people didn’t want to handle me.”
What is the toughest question a CSA victim has ever asked her? “One young boy asked me ‘Have you healed completely?’ That had me thinking for while as I tend to get absorbed in my work rather than in my own issues. After some introspection, I knew I was healing fine, but I can’t say I am 100 per cent healed. But I am not angry any more and I want to live as a happy person who makes other people happy. My response must have satisfied him because he became more positive in his own outlook,” she reflects. “I want fellow survivors to understand that it is both acceptable as well as cathartic to ‘vent’ emotion to the fullest instead trying to ‘make it nice’ for the public around.”
Today Elaan’s mission is to create awareness because aware knowledge will help society adopt an educated approach towards CSA. “We are trying to create an online database of our supporters, prospective volunteers and active participants. The information entered will not be shared with anyone. It helps us know that you’re with us,” says Pranadhikha. It may seem like a very small step but, trust Elaan, it’s an important one nevertheless. And after all said and done, “It was hard but I survived. I’m still here,” she grins.
- The members blog extensively you can catch them at http://elaan.wordpress.com/
- Fill up the sheet at http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?key=p_gLv557YI0N3qH6gtL8YKw.
- E-mail them at: elaanspeak@yahoo.co.in or admin@elaan.org
- Elaan helplines: +91 98741 35977 or 033 6454 4564
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